The Indian Wedding

Yes. It happened.

And, how?!

15th July, 2010

Well, I went to Soni's Parlor.

"Ahh.... Jyoti! Getting married, huh?" Soni teases. My sister affirms this with a nod and a grin. The two ladies start to laugh.

"And, Sangeeta? What will you do today?" She asks, brightly. 

"Ummm..."

"Oh, I know! Why don't you get your legs waxed?" She asks, tilting her head. I turn the thought over in my head. 'Why haven't i ever gotten myself waxed in all this time? Sounds like such a good idea....'

Or, atleast, it did. Before i heard the most agonizing scream from the lady sitting in front of me, getting her arms waxed.

'...that's why.'

"I.... think i'll pass." I risk a gaze at the woman who, now, is writhing in pain.

Razor Razor Razor Razor...

16th July, 2010

3:40pm

Today is the "Sangeet" and "Mehendi" (i'd gotten the henna applied two days ago, but that's irrelevant) ceremony, and the Ganesh Puja also happens today, itself. My sister sits in her bandhani sari, while i get myself into my blue lehenga.

I've already dressed myself up at three-forty in the evening, when we receive a call. 

"Hello?" My mother begins. "Where are you?? People are pouring in already!"

They're at the hall. At three-forty. Whereas, they should be there at four.

I turn toward my sister, horrified.

"People have started coming in..." 

"WHAT?!? No way! These are Sindhi* people! they're never on time!" She says, her hair all odds and ends.

"Forget the language, they're INDIANS! Have you ever heard of an INDIAN coming in early in a function?! Most of the post-mature births happen in India!!" I wail.

Without wasting much time, Hema Aunty, our beautician, begins to fret around, trying to get my sisters' make-up on. I sort myself, and try to get my NEW pair of killer-heels on.
"You're wearing that?" Hema aunty asks. I grin at her, a little ignominiously

"Ok..." she says, uncertainly. 

'Best of luck trying to torture your feet..." is implied, but not said.

7:00pm

The Ganesh Puja is over with, and we're back after my sisters' dress-change. I see a few people on the floor, dancing to old, yet up-beat songs.

Time to go nuts.

And that's exactly what i do. I kick my shoes off, and get on the floor. all the people i know are here already. Reena, my sister's best friend(at work), Neema, her best friend (since college), Madhu Bajaj (The kind lady who lives in the opposite building with her delusional son and a bore for a husband), and my cousins. I start off with dancing solo, before moving on to Reena.

At one point, during a song, she goes down on one knee, and gives me her hand, which i kiss, pull her back up, and twirl her around with.

"Not allowed in India." Neema chimes in. I dance to a few punjabi numbers with Neema, and Madhu Aunty (who seems possessed. Really, she's sixty-one, and has danced more than my mum has in a life-time, who's seven years younger). Most of the men/boys present seemed to prefer watching the girls dance in lieu to shaking a leg themselves.

In fact, the only other guy(excluding my "Jija") who comes down to the dance floor is Tejas, my brother-in-laws' best friend.

Who's a great dancer.

You can assume whom i danced with next, right?

11:00pm

My sister and her 'almost-husband' are singing songs to entertain the public, two-thirds of which has gone home.

"Ok, we've made an entire plan about how to steal the shoes of the groom," My cousin, Ameeta, begins. Well, it's a ritual where the sisters of the bride steal the grooms' shoes, and ask for a sum of to return them back.

"We're going to steal the shoes." Natasha says.

'Nice plan, very innovative.'

17th July, 2010

The Haldi rasam of the groom took place today. To all those who don’t know, HALDI is a Hindi word meaning “Indian saffron” or "Turmeric", which is ground with water into a paste, used to give the esteemed a fairer glow. We had rented a bus, (which came two hours late) and went to Malvani, to attend the function. I had the kheer in my hands, which was almost two liters in volume, and was meant to be finished by the groom, who had digestion problems.
Anyway.
When we arrived there, I, as the sister of the bride-to-be, had to start off the first rasam- doing the puja mean t for the groom. The "tikka" was applied, and the sweets were fed, i washed his head with a pink bar of soap, and made him drink the kheer and eat the namkeen.

All the young siblings of the bride did the same, and then, the actualy haldi rasam was carried out.

The important (see: old) women of both families sat down and applied a bare minimum of haldi on his head, both arms, and feet. I wasn't up for that. Instead, i dipped my hands in the dish full of turmeric, and smeared it generously on  his face, arms, and feet. He groaned in defense, and my cousins rejoiced the shattering of the status quo. 

After a while, i introduced myself to Ginni and Ritu, the cousins of the groom.

We sat and talked at length, where my older cousin Sanjay began flirting with them and my other cousin, Ameeta, began showing off with her "Anglo-American" accent.

Which, strangely, wasn't there just an hour ago.

18th July, 2010

12:30pm

The big day...

."Hurry up! hurry up! We haven't got all day!!" My mum screams her way into the room, only to find me in my choli. She stares at me awkwardly.

"It looks nice," she begins, "But it's raining outside, you'd better wear something else of your lehenga, or it'll get wet."

So, i ended up wearing the petticoat of my mums' sari as a bottom, and a dupatta to cover the top. I covered my head, and ran outside into the car, which took us to the venue of the marriage.

I braced myself. As soon as the car stopped outside of the hall, i hitched up the petticoat, revealed my killer heels to the world, and ran head-long into the hall.

Which was so exquisite, i was dazzled. 

The stage had a canopy made of a gold-colored fabric on it, with assorted red flowers. I gasped. I looked up at the huge chandelier overhead in a daze.

My sister came into the hall shortly after. She was not bedazzled. Instead, she was doubled over with laughter.

Because i looked silly standing in the middle of the hall staring up at a chandelier.

Some people must really get their priorities straight.

1:00 pm

"Oh. God." My sister breathed.

"What?"

"Akshay says he's on this way." Akshay is the groom.

"Wha-ha-hat?!? Why the hell is everyone hell-bent on coming early?!" I turn from the mirror, shocked. If he left at one, he'd reach by two. And he had to be here with his entire family no time before two forty-five in the afternoon.

Nobody from our side could receive them, because nobody was here.

Except me, but there was a slight problem with that.

I was dressed in my baby suit then.

2:50 pm

After I've dressed myself in my teal colored lehenga-choli, I rush forward to see the groom and his family. My mother is ceremoniously inviting him in, while my father is at a sheer loss of words. I stand next to my mum, and peer over at the guests and relatives of the groom. Ginni and Ritu smile sweetly at me, while Tejas flashes me a wry grin. I sneer at him, and advert my gaze. Dattu uncle (father-in-law of the sister) points down at the grooms shoes, and mouths 'Take... and... run...'

And that's exactly what i do. I snatch his shoes, give everyone a wide grin, and run back to my dressing room, where i hide them in my cupboard.

4:40pm

The girl has taken her seven oaths, the boy has taken eight. And, now, the Pundit beckons me to light up the havan**. My mother and all my aunts have already started crying. I roll my eyes at them and look around the audience, only to meet gazes with my best friends, Sugi-Sama and Gemini, and my cousins. The Pundit has the seven virgins come forward and start the process of teasing the bride and groom. I go first, i have to put their heads together, and make them see each other in the tiniest mirror in the history of the most tiniest of mirrors. This is to check if the bride and groom can see. And for doing this, i was awarded with five-thousand rupees.

These are the days when i wish i had a few more older sisters.

7:50pm

The wedding is over with, and my sister has already proceeded to the stage for the reception. My sister is the belle of the ball. She dresses herself in a maroon sari, and has her short hair tied back, and has put he rest up in ringlets, which are fanned delicately around the nape of her neck. 

I'm in the dressing room again. For returning the shoes, i received a ransom of Rs. 7,000, which is quite expensive for just one pair of shoes. I have decked myself up in a beautiful red lehenga-choli, and have let my hair loose, so they flow down my back. My friends come in, and shower me with sweet compliments. 

"No photos on facebook, ok?" I say.

"Are you kidding? It's already on facebook." Gemini says,  and we click a few photographs together.

I leave the dressing room, and walk up to the stage, my killer heels still on my feet. On the stage, i greet all the close family members and friends of the bride and groom, who whisper "You look lovely" in my ear ever two minutes. After all that, i sit myself down next to Tejas and Ginni.

"You look good," Ginni says, smiling at me. 

"Good? She looks awesome!" Tejas chimes in, and I look away from them in embarrassment.

I make matters worse still, Ginni leaves me alone with Tejas.

I try to talk with him without spluttering with mortification, before my mother calls me to the other side of the stage, to receive the guests.

I knew then, that this would be the longest part of the entire day.

10:30pm

After refusing to have picture clicked by many of the guests in the hall of the sister and I, and being sort of dysphoric about the amount of people in the hall, i sit down on a sofa, right in front of the stage. A boy, no more than nineteen, comes forward to serve me some water. I look up at him and, without quite meaning to, give him a wide smile. I've never been this happy before, watching my sister with Akshay, all pink and sparkling and joyous. And i wanted everyone to know just how happy i was.

Which was a mistake, since my father blew up with anger and dismissed the poor fellow rudely.

I walk up to where dinner is being served. My sister and my brother-in-law are seated at the longest table, grinning from ear to ear at each other, and the silver plates in front of them.Though they are dead beat, and don't have an appetite left, and are just a few minutes away from collapsing of exhaustion, they are elated. They are the happiest people in the entire room- happier than i am. Happy with each other.

I ate a few spoonfuls and left.

It was i could do not to cry.

Phew! That was a really long post, right?

* Sindhi is a language spoken in sindh(now in Pakistan) and Kacchh(Gujarat.)

** The Fire around which the bride and groom take nuptial rounds.

The Call: An Odd Spool of Humiliation and Quintessential Revelation

It was very difficult to connect with our folk and peers in the late eighteenth century, when one had to travel miles just give a hello. People of that era were extremely poor, the courtesy of their Colonial rulers, and, hence, found it even harder to commute from a place to another. As cited on wikipedia, "Proto-industrialization is a phase in the development of modern industrial economies that preceded, and created conditions for, the establishment of fully industrial societies". Initially using surplus labor available during slow periods of the agricultural seasons, proto-industrialization led to specialization in both industrial production as well as commercial agricultural production. As the protoindustrialization came close, families saw the independence of women, allowing them to work outside of the house. Many simple machines where made during protoindustrialization.
Industrialization, like it's primitive form, has its roots from eighteenth century London, where a massive increase in agricultural productivity known as the British Agricultural Revolution enabled an unprecedented population growth that freed a significant percentage of the workforce from farming, and helped to drive the Industrial Revolution.
China and India, while roughly following this development pattern, made adaptations in line with their own histories and cultures, their major size and importance in the world, and the geo-political ambitions of their governments.
Currently, China's government is actively investing in expanding its own infrastructures and securing the required energy and raw materials supply channels, is supporting its exports by financing the United States balance payment deficit through the purchase of US treasury bonds.
Meanwhile, India's government is investing in specific vanguard economic sectors such as bioengineering, nuclear technology, pharmaceutics, informatics, and technologically-oriented higher education, openly overpassing its needs, with the goal of creating several specialisation poles able to conquer foreign markets.

And Sangeeta? Well, she invested in stealing XKDC's Mathematics Manual from the esteemed math teacher. Said teacher was handing out lab manuals of all students to me and Aaa-khi*, when i casually slipped in the fact that i lived close by him. Instead of merely letting me get a glimpse of his Domain of Errors, the manual was dumped atrociously in my hands by her, a smile and a "Get Out" included.
Well, Shit.
So, i ride home toward tension and anxiety. For a start, i'm not really SUPPOSED to have it. In fact, i don't even KNOW where XKDC lives. I only know of his vicinity, but that's it. Au contraire to popular notion, i've never met with his mother. I've only seen his papi, and i've never even had to priviledge to talk with him. Ok, i COULD'VE. But i chose not to.

I value my life.

A typical phone call by an ordinary person to an ordinary person, traditionally, is placed by picking the phone handset up off the base and holding the handset so that the hearing end is next to the user's ear and the speaking end is within range of the mouth. The caller would then press buttons for the phone number needed to complete the call.
A typical phone call by me to XKDC, weirdly, includes rapid pacing, sweating, nausea, temporary aphasia, more nausea, helplessness and, then, passion-struck pathos. In this phase, i finally pick up the and dial the ten digits i had grown accustomed to remembering. Nervously, i place to phone near my ear.

"DING DING DING! The Number you have called, is currently Busy, Please try again Later."
#@!& you.

I dial again.

"DING DING DING!" #@!&*grumble**grumble*#@!&*grumble*
"DING DING DING!!" (grrrr) #@!&*grumble**grumble*#@!&*grumble*
"DING DING-" #@!&*grumble**grumble*#@!&*grumble*
"DING DING-" #@!&*grumble**grumble*#@!&*grumble*
"DING-"*grumble*
"DING-"*grumble*
"DING DING DING!"*grumble*
"DING-" Oh, my GOD. PICK UP THE GOD DAMNED PHONE!!!!!

Exasperated, i sit on the ground, wailing.
And that was yesterday, i.e. on thursday.

Today, i made a speech. Yes. I figured that i'd get nervous if i tried to talk with him without memorizing anything. So i wrote down what i'd say.
For a start,
"May i speak with XKDC?"
Yes, i was so nervous, i doubted my abilities to say even the simplest of sentences. So, i began practicing.
"May i speak with XKDC, please? No? Well, fuck YOU!"
Ok, i wouldn't have said THAT, i'd just say "Screw you", instead.
"Right. I'll remember that."
But, as luck would have it, i found his number to be busy almost all day. Everytime i pressed, "REDIAL", i'd hear the definitive "DING DING DING!", meaning that the bastard was talking to someone. But, FOR THIRTEEN HOURS?! What, is he having sex with his LANDLINE?! And i'm all ready with the speech, too!

I'll try after a few hours...
~:~
It's 9:49pm. And i'm giving one last try to this phoning business.

"If he doesn't pick up now, i'm never calling him again. Isn't that what he wants??"

Suddenly, as though by magic, i hear the ringing tone. My eyes fly open.
SHIT SHIT SHIT! WHERE IS THAT FREAKING SPEECH?! I NEED THAT~~~

"~~~Hello?" A velvet voice breaks the pattern of my thoughts. With a rush of energy, i sit up straight, staring awkwardly into space.
"H-hello? Is XKDC there?"
"Speaking."

Shit. Shit shit shit. Mega-shit. Double-mega-shitty-shit-shit. Someone up there must be having a really hard time keeping a straight face whilst watching me squirm.
I frantically turn the pages of my notebook, looking for my speech . For some weird, contradictory reason, i am unable to find the speech.

"Um... Hi, It's me... Sangeeta."
"Hi...." he says something else.

I began to get worked up all over again. WHERE THE SHIT IS IT?!I ask him if he'd be coming to school or not; we have an exam this monday. Then. I tell him of how i just called to tell him that i have his manual with me.

"How did you land on it?"
"Well, ma'am distributed them all, so, i brought yours... By the way, have i ever told you that your choice sucks?"
"Yeah, i know that..."
"Well, i was wrong. It doesn't just suck -it sucks MAJORLY!"
"Chood na..."
"No, seriously, Fluorescent Orange and Fluorescent Pink?! What were you thinking?!"

It sounded like he was snorting in good humor. But, really, this conversation wasn't going so well. For a start, he sounded distracted. And also sounded as though he was smiling. Believe me, i can hear emotions. Then, on top of that, there was the sound of rustling paper from my side of the line. To all those who don't know that that's not supposed to happen: that's not supposed to happen.

"Why do you sound drunk?!" I can't resist asking. Suddenly, i regret saying that.
"I'm having my dinner right now."
"OOOoooohhh! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you..."
"I-I can't talk to you right now, i'm having my dinner right now." He says curtly.

YESSS!! THIS IS FINALLY ENDING!

"Kthnxbye."
"Goodnight."
I smile. "Goodnight. 'Bye."
I cut the phone. I then look down. There's my speech, in the galore of my handwriting.

Oh.
...
Wait a minute!
When i HAD the speech in my hands, the number was busy. When i was completely off guard, he picked up the wretched phone.
This just shows: God is against me...

On Crows, Parrots and the Day of Love

"Happy Valentine's Day!!!"

Yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up.

My day begins quite ordinarily; too mundane, to be precise. I just get off the bed, brush my teeth, eat my breakfast, and checked out my cell. 

  "Hie! I'm getting myself a new book from Landmark and i'm gonna watch , too i'm so happy!"

And happy fuckin'-tines's day to you, too, Ice-Kitten.

I walk toward the window. A beautiful tropical parrot sat directly opposite me. How glossy are her feathers... The red beak was, as though, embossed in the scenic loveliness of the neighborhood trees...

"Seeing a parrot in suburban Mumbai is lucky!" I smile to myself. Luck, and on Valentine's Day? God must love me! (^_^)
I grin ear to ear~~~~

~~~~Until a crow comes along.

"What a deceitful creature! It's making such a racket... huh? Wait. W-wait! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OFF OF THAT PARROT! Let her fluff her wings and fly to the other side of the tree...."

She did just as i said.
She FLUFFED her beautiful emerald wings....

....and got gang-raped by four ugly crows.

Yes. My luck.

The Farewell and a Dream that Never

Dreams are vivid part of ones life. Dreams constitute ones own thoughts, beliefs, and day-to-day happenings. Dreams are the very heart and soul of our inner Self: They are the portals through which our subconcious communicates with our concious self. Dreams are also said to have a very large role in portraying ones own intelligence level to oneself. Recently, researchers have found that ones dreams are linked with ones own IQ level. This is possible due to the strangeness of our dreams. The more strange ones dreams are, the higher is ones IQ level. In the same pretext, the more dreams one has, the high his capacity to learn, and retain knowledge. I had a dream which i haven't been about to understand. This is odd, since i'm so good at it. No matter how intelligent my dreams are, i always seem to get what the gist is all about. So, anyone wanna help me?

THE DREAM

this was just a simple dream about XKCD. I was in our class room, just the way it looks in reality. Except for the fact that not only were all my classmates there, but also the ones who come to REMS with me. We were on the last seat. XKCD and i were lightly talk we seemed to all be working on something or the other. So, as a joke, XKCD made me a card-like structure with a picture and a cartoon on it [excuse the pun]. So, naturally, i chose the cartoon [excuse the pun, again.] I cut out the cartoon and paste it in my diary [which, by the way everyone is interested in, seriously, if it's not personal, why is it called a PERSONAL diary?!] . Then he says something about me being a complete miser. "That is SO not true, XKCD!" I say to him, as i begin to walk all the way toward the other side of the class, right to where he is sitting. Invariably, he scoots to make room for me. I sit down there, and, before i know it, we've got our arms around each other. I'm on his right and, though everyone can see us, they don't seem to mind at all. Nobody interrogates us, or judges us for sitting so intimately together.

The best part about the dream is that its so casual, yet it feels so very delicate; so intricate. And the elation of it all, the loving joy... I've never been so happy after waking up from a dream.
But, then again, i've never cried for a dream only because it wasn't real, either... So...

In other, completely UNrelated news,

Ok, so, its not very clear. I'll write down what it says, instead:

FAREWELL PARTY ON 17TH (of February) FROM 11AM-2PM AT PODAR HALL DRESS CODE- BLUE AND BLACK. PASS ON THE MSG..

Now, i know the timings totally suck, but hey! Atleast i've GOT a farewell at school. so that TOTALLY accounts for SOMETHING! I'm looking forward to it so much, i actually fell out of my chair when i read this message.

"I'M GONNA HAVE A FAREWELL!I'M GONNA HAVE A FAREWELL! The timings suck, the dress codes totally drab and the venue's straight from hell, but~~~~

~~~I'M GONNA HAVE A FAREWELL! I'M GONNA HAVE A FAREWELL!!"

Jeez Whiz! I'm as excited as a fat person is about cake!

Or as i am about cake...

Ummm...Yum... Cake...!

"I"M GONNA HAVE SOME CAKE! I'M GONNA HAVE SOME CAKE! I SOUND like an IDIOT.... BUT WHO THE FUCK CARES?!"