An Uncanny blog from a Baleful child

Shit Happens. Life sucks, and then, you die.

God sure has a very twisted sense of humor.

This is the tale of a Girl who has lots o'time to spare

Come take a glimpse of the world I live in... Where neighbors seldom love you, where people have more hair on their armpits than their heads, Where grammatical errors are are a way of life, and everyone is 26.
And that's just their IQ, nevermind their age!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

My thoughts on New Moon, An adaptation of Stephanie Meyers' book w/the same name

Before we start, i just want to say:
  • Yes, i AM an ostentacious bitch.
  • No, i don't think Taylor Lautner's hot.
  • And, finally, YES, i think Robert Pattinson IS gay.
I just hope Sugi-sama or Ice Kitten isn't reading this... Anyway. here it is:

I saw 'NEW MOON' on the telly today. In my humble, and politically non-biased opinion:
You have a testosterone-charged Bella frantically running around on a suicidal spree, a shirtless Jacob frolicking on the sands of 'La Push', and i partically clad Edward trying to tell the Volturi that he WANTS to die, and a very hungry Volturi with little, or no acting skills, whatsoever.
Deep. Real deep.
I can practically SEE Edwards undying love for Bella in the dimples of his nipples, which -in completely unrelated news- are bronzed to the ump. And JACOB! Ahh.... he's such a great friend: he is giving free porno to a reluctant Bella, her love for him notwithstanding. How essentially moving. Really, i could CRY my eyeballs out to this pathetic attempt to making a movie.
Seriously, the only thing missing here, was Snoop Dogg singing 'Sensual Seduction' in the background. New Moon? This was 'Testosterone Rising'.
"Yes, Jacob, we know that you can withstand the cold- just don't push it into our faces by
taking your shirt off and running around half-nude!"
This 'New Moon', he takes off his shirt in the autumnal wind, next 'Eclipse', he'll freeze his testicles for Bella.
Such love is SO thought-provoking, right?
If you don't have the money for clothes, guys, I'm all up for a donation.


"I just heard i'm getting laid in Breaking Dawn. YAY!"
"I'm the hottest werewolf there ever~~
 ~~Wait. Is that Robert Pattinson without a shirt?? GOD, i'd tap THAT ass...."

"I gotta pee..."

1 Had Something to Say:

CrazyNewt said...

Yeah. The twilight series would be a helluva lot better if it didn't have any vampires of werewolves in it, and that Bella chick wore quite a bit less.

I'm talking a "Princess Leia chained to Jabba the Hutt" sort of wardrobe, here.